I was working with a 2nd grade classroom in Middleton, Wisconsin, helping a teacher implement community building activities in her classroom.

Early in the session I used the “partner choice/which one” scenario for dividing the class up into teams in preparation for a game of Play dough Pictionary (see November 23rd entry).

I had them imagine they were at the circus and seeking out cotton candy. After waiting in line for the cotton candy they found that there was only one blue and one pink cotton candy left at the stand. The students had to decide who would get which one… One pair of students started arguing rather intensely about who should get the blue. Everyone else was ready to move on.

Instead of intervening directly with the students who were arguing. I decided to get everyone’s attention for a moment and ask a pair of students who had decided to share how they came to their decision to the group. One of the students shared: “Well, we both wanted the pink cotton candy, but I am okay with blue AND I wanted to find out what you are going to have us do with those spots and the play dough, so I let her have the pink one.”  Immediately the undecided pair looked at each other and quickly came to agreement.

At that point the student’s teacher and I took a few minutes to talk about the meaning of “compromise” and why we sometimes let go of our first choice to make things work for the group and ourselves. We moved on to the other cooperative activities we had planned for the day and forgot about the conversation.

That evening the teacher called me to tell me that a few hours after I left the students were lining up for lunch when a squabble erupted about who’s turn it was to lead the line to the cafeteria. Just as she was going to intervene, a little voice from the back of the line said: “You know guys, this is just like the cotton candy. We all just want to get to lunch.” This ended the squabble immediately- without adult intervention.

Sometimes the simple exercises we engage students in have more of an effect than we realize. Over my years working with groups I have noticed that some of the best “successes” in teaching come by accident; or the most profound lessons can come from the seemingly “less important” activities you engage a group in rather than the intense problem- solving lesson you carefully designed for the group.

Think about those “simple” opportunities you can weave into the day to day activities you plan for your group that practice these important life skills…

Reference: Tips & Tools for the Art of Experiential Group Facilitation. Jennifer Stanchfield. 2007: Wood ‘N’ Barnes Publishing.

I started realizing this might be influenced by the fact that many students in today’s society don’t have the opportunity to engage in the unsupervised free play with peers that many of us who are now adults did during our childhood.

Our society is becoming increasingly isolative.  Children aren’t out playing pickup games of kickball or kick the can in their neighborhoods during free time after school, or on summer evenings as they once did. Parents are often fearful about letting kids play and roam the neighborhood on their own.

Children and adolescents participate in a great deal of solo video and computer games. Most often children’s group recreation these days involves team sports, clubs, and after school programs led by adults. There is obviously great value in structured team and after school programs, and a benefit to having excellent adult role models in these programs who positively impact students.

A downside of this shift is that kid’s are not gaining the important skills that are learned from interaction with peer only groups without adult intervention. They miss out on opportunities to practice being flexible and making compromises with each other in order to make a game work and learning that play is not always “getting their way” or winning. In peer only activities kids gain valuable experience in coming to consensus on the rules of play, decision-making, and developing social skills around communication and conflict resolution.

I remember as a kid having many opportunities for unstructured play in our neighborhood; pickup games of all kinds filled our summer days and after-school hours. Arguments about who was “it” or who won inevitably arose, but we figured out ways to work it out ourselves rather than interrupt the game to run home and get an adult to decide for us. It appears that in modern society with less participation in peer-only play, kids are missing out on opportunities to gain conflict resolution, problem solving and group communication skills. We can help students gain these skills by providing opportunities within our adult led structured programs to practice decision making and communication on their own.

After observing this trend in students I work with,  I started intentionally focusing on implementing activities that practice the use of decision-making by consensus. I purposefully create situations and opportunities that allow students to practice coming to agreement on the rules of the game, a team name, a team symbol etc. I use methods that involve pairs and then groups making simple choices together and work up to practicing group consensus. This a valuable practice for groups of all ages.

In the next few days I will post some of my favorite activities and strategies for helping learners practice these important skills. Please share your thoughts about the changes in the patterns of play, the value of “free play” and strategies you have found useful in helping students learn and practice these valuable life skills within structured programs.